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 Meet the Author:
Julie Metz
Interview by Jennifer Vido, creator of
Jen's Jewels
July 1, 2009
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Appearances can be deceiving. Just ask anyone like me who parks in a
handicapped spot. Sure, I may not look as if the space is warranted. The
doubtful glances make this apparent. But, the titanium parts along with the
aches and pains earn me the right to take a few less steps.
This month’s Jen’s Jewels
can relate to my situation. From the outside, it appeared as if
Julie Metz was living a good life. A loving husband and happy
home. It seemed as if she had it all. Then one day, her husband
suddenly dies, and what’s left shatters the very existence of her
core. In her painfully honest yet uplifting memoir entitled
PERFECTION, Julie takes a look back at her life as she
comes to terms with reality of her future.
As part of this interview,
Hyperion Books has generously donated five copies for
you, my lucky readers to win. So, don’t forget to look for the
trivia question at the end. Thanks for making Jen’s Jewels
a part of your reading adventure. |
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Jen: Your
experience as a graphic artist plays an essential role in the development of
your memoir,
PERFECTION. So that my readers may have a better understanding of
the path that led you to becoming an author, please tell us a little bit
about your educational and professional background.
Julie: I
grew up in a house that was filled with books and art. My parents both
worked as art directors at Simon and Schuster Publishers and
my father is a landscape artist. When I was young I attended a Waldorf
school and this provided a creative learning environment—lots of handmade
cloth and wooden toys, lots of drawing and music. Later I attended more
traditional schools where the focus was on writing and study skills. I
attended Smith College where I majored in fine art but also took many
English Literature classes. This was an exciting time on campus, with lots
of discussion about the political topics of the day. After college I
returned to my home in New York City and began working in the design field.
My last staff job was at Harper & Row Publishers (now
HarperCollins). From there I began a freelance life.
Jen: Being a
freelance designer and now writer provided you the means in which to explore
various aspects of the publishing business. Did you concentrate on a
specific area of expertise, or did you branch out and take on unfamiliar
topics in hopes of opening new doors of opportunity?
Julie:
Before I began writing I was a freelance graphic designer. I have designed
book covers for various publishers for about twenty years, and I grew up
with parents who worked in the publishing industry. I have seen many changes
in the book world since I was a kid hanging around my mom and dad’s offices
back in the days before computers. In my design life I try to maintain
creativity within the vertical rectangle of a book cover. My writing life
started with the memoir
PERFECTION, but now that I am working on fiction I am more open
to letting my imagination take me to new places.
Jen: Embarking on
a career as an author is a grand undertaking due to the complexity of
creating a book that will grab the attention of agents, publishers, and of
course readers. Your new release,
PERFECTION, takes that one step further because it’s the story of your
life. First of all, what was the driving force behind putting your life
experiences in print?
Julie: After my husband died, I began keeping a
journal. I was also writing letters to friends—I have always been a letter
writer. The journal and letters helped me stay sane during a crazy time and
later became the raw material for my book. At the time of his death my
husband was under contract to write a book and at first I thought I’d try to
finish that for him. After the revelations of his affairs I abandoned that
idea. A few friends had suggested I write about my experiences and I began
to think about that. I began working on the book as a kind of personal
therapy. A friend who was an editor at Glamour magazine asked me about
writing a feature piece. This was my first experience as a professional
writer. From there I began working on a formal book proposal and on what
would become the first chapters. At this point I didn’t really know what
would come of it all, but I knew that I had to see it through and finish the
book, whether or not it ever got published.
Jen: As for the
nuts and bolts of the project, approximately how long did it take for you to
complete this book? And, what was the most challenging part of the process?
Julie: The
writing and publication process took about five years. The hardest part for
me, without a doubt, were the many times I revisited the middle section of
the book, the most raw and painful chapters after I discovered my husband’s
affairs. Sometimes I really had to force myself to the desk. But by then I
had a strong sense that many other women had been in this situation and that
they might get something out of my story.
Jen: In my opinion,
PERFECTION is a brutally honest narrative of a marriage gone awry as
told through the eyes of a scorned spouse. Ironically, I did not feel as if
you were playing the role of the victim. Your tone throughout the book is
more of a “this is what happened and look how far I have come” approach. How
did you keep it so objective so as not to tarnish the memory of your
husband, Henry? (He was highly regarded by his peer group.) I give you much
credit for taking the high road. Not too many people in your shoes would
have done that.
Julie: I
had the benefit of some years that passed after the events I write about in
the book. I wanted to take the reader on the emotional journey, through
grief and anger, all the way to acceptance. So I would say that time helped
give me perspective and made the book more balanced in tone. The book shows
one version of the complications of adult relationships, and the
consequences of poor choices—Henry’s and mine. We all make mistakes in our
lives. Henry made some huge ones. But in the end I feel genuine sorrow for
what he lost—the chance to live a full life.
Jen: Besides
filling in the missing pieces, how did contacting your husband’s mistresses
after his DEATH help you achieve a sense of closure and acceptance for the
man he truly was?
Julie: I
contacted the other women to get a sense of what other life my husband had
been living in the last year of his life. After talking to them I did feel
that I knew more but I also saw that there were aspects of the story I’d
never be able to find out and that I would have to live with that. So some
questions remain unanswered but I was able to begin to think about moving on
to a new life on my own.
Jen: As we all
know, marriage takes work… a lot of work. You mention in the book that the
trouble signs were there had you been looking for them. Do you think Henry
was trying to reach out to you but was lacking in the emotional fortitude to
make that connection? Why or why not?
Julie: It’s
really hard to look back at the situation we were in and imagine what he was
thinking at the time, how he rationalized his choices. I feel very changed
from the woman who was Henry’s wife. I would behave differently now. I think
I would be more willing to see the signs of trouble. What I can be certain
of is that while his behavior was damaging to me and our child Henry was
suffering as well.
Jen: As is with
everything these days, it all comes down to sex. Either it’s too little or
too much. It’s difficult for many to achieve the perfect balance. I found
it interesting that you reached out to Don Symons at the University of
California, Santa Barbara. Please share with us your conversation and how it
helped you come to grips with your husband’s betrayal.
Julie: The
evolutionary argument suggests that men and women are “hard-wired” for
certain behavior: men to seek out as many partners as possible and women to
seek out a mate to help raise children. The main question I wanted to ask
Don was whether he felt that we were prisoners of our biology or whether we
could exert free will in our decision-making. What I took away from our
conversations is that the conflict is something we have to live with as
modern humans in a culture that changes more rapidly than we evolve, but
using the excuse “my genes made me do it” won’t cut it.
Jen: After reading
your bio blurb with the mention of your “partner”, I thought you had chosen
to seek female companionship. Not so. Will you ever marry again? Why or why
not?
Julie: It’s
always hard to know what to call your significant other these days!
Sometimes I call him my boyfriend, but that sounds like I am eighteen…oh
well, we’ll use “boyfriend” today. He and I have been a couple for five
years. We are domestically partnered now and our lives are very much that of
any longtime couple. We work hard, we divide house chores, we plan vacations
when we have extra money, and we discuss our IRA’s. Some of our roles are
very traditional: I do laundry and he takes care of our car. I had been wary
of remarrying because I feared that it would end badly again and because I
wanted my daughter to feel completely comfortable with our new family before
I made any more big changes. At this point I can imagine marrying again but
we aren’t in any particular rush. It’s not like when you are young and you
can’t wait for your big wedding day. If it happens it will be something
small for our family and friends, just to celebrate the life we’ve made
together. Mostly I care about the happiness of our day-to-day lives.
Jen: The innocent
victim in all of this is your lovely daughter, Liza. How will this memoir
help her understand the dissolution of her idyllic family life as she once
knew it?
Julie: She
is now almost thirteen years old. She lost her father when she was six and a
half and has now spent five years with my boyfriend as a second parent. Our
life looks pretty traditional from the outside and we have worked hard to
create a new family. I think she has benefited from the fact that my new
relationship is healthier and more stable than the one I had with Henry. She
saw lots of fighting during the last years of my marriage. She is a wise
child—she would not have described our marriage as idyllic. I do hope that
my story will serve as a cautionary tale for younger women like my daughter
as they begin to seek out partners. Relationships are work, marriage is
work. It’s important to choose wisely and not to be swayed by what’s on the
surface.
Jen: Looking back,
how has the completion of a memoir changed your perception of your marriage?
Yourself?
Julie: I
began wiring the book as a kind of personal therapy to help me understand
what had happened to my marriage. I try to look back at myself in my
marriage with compassion. I was young when I met Henry and in spite of
everything I was naïve. The experiences I lived through changed me. One
thing that hasn’t changed: I never wanted to be in a relationship where I
was constantly jealous and suspicious, and I don’t want to live like that
now. The difference is that I am able to be honest with myself about whether
I am happy or not.
Jen: If you could
turn back the clock, what one thing would you do differently and why?
Julie: I
wish I hadn’t been so afraid to look at the reality of my life. When I was
married I was a more fearful person and, like many women, I had a lot
invested in my identity as a wife and mother. I couldn’t imagine being on my
own and I couldn’t imagine myself really taking charge of my life. But I
don’t regret being in the relationship because I have my daughter. She is
the most important part of my life and I would go through everything again
to have her in my life.
Jen: In terms of
promotion, will you be participating in a book tour? Will you be scheduling
Author Phone Chats? Do you have a website?
Julie: For
now the promotional focus is here in New York City. I have been doing
newspaper and radio interviews. I have done three readings in Brooklyn. I do
have a website where I post news and events, information regarding book
clubs, and keep a blog:
www.perfectionbook.com or you can reach the same site at:
www.juliemetz.com
Jen: I want
to thank you for taking the time to stop by and chat with my readers. I was
truly impressed with your honest and open approach to facing adversity in
such a public forum as the media. It must have been a cathartic experience
for you, and will hopefully lead to bright, new beginnings. Best of luck
with the book! It’s a sparkling jewel.
I hope you have enjoyed my interview with Julie.
Please stop by your favorite book store or local library and pick up a copy
today. Better yet, how would you like to win one? Be one of the first five
readers to e-mail me at
jensjewels@bcpl.net and you’ll win your very own copy of
PERFECTION.
What is the name of Julie’s
website?
Next month, I will be bringing to you my interview
with childhood television star,
Quinn
Cummings. You won’t want to miss it.
Until next time…Jen
Baltimore County Public Library,
Towson Maryland USA
Last Revised:
30 June 2009
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